The month from hell or my imgination??

Well March has come and gone and I THINK I survived another one...I have always convinced myself that March is a bad month for me...the bad luck of months. This year wasn't any different, have I brought this onto myself, brought the bad "vibes" in around me during this month to make this all happen. The other day at work my boss called me into her office, I had made a bunch of little stupid mistakes all March long...she said she understood because I had stuff going on (I will touch on that in a minute), but that she needed my mind back into the game....and not wanting to make excuses I gave the "March is my bad month" comment.....well she really didn't buy it when I told things that have happened in the last few years "sounds like life to me"....oh well.

So I was sitting in bed last night, trying to figure out where I got this idea and how far back I have been convinced that March is the month I will be domed in (remember this when I die, and look at this, I bet it will be in the month of March), so how long....I mean really from birth...well that would make a little sense, since I was born in March, but come on now--really.

HOLLY CRAP!!! I know why!!

Well I can go back to around 6th grade or so......see my mom was an alcoholic, and due to her drinking she became very ill (this is a completely different posting......)my mom started with a gallbladder surgery and went from there....cirrhosis of the liver, what 6th grader knows what that is, especially back in the 70's, I mean really. So why just March, why is March the month I hate, I mean it is the month of my birthday it should be a blast.

Well many times my mom would go into the hospital just for a small problem and while she was in there it would get worse, I don't remember a time she went in and wasn't either in ICU of SNF (Skilled Nursing Facility...now I think called extended care), and when did she usually end up there...you got it MARCH!! I can remember her being upset because she couldn't go out and buy me a present and told my dad to let me go to the store and buy a few dresses for Easter and my birthday and I had to bring them in to show her.

Well that isn't that bad, so what your mom wasn't drinking and she was in the hospital....well those stays weren't always that easy, the dr in trying to explain the state of mind she was in sometimes called it an awake coma. Wow this dr could have written a knovel on my mom. Well what the hell is an awake coma, she was awake and talking to you however she wasn't really there. She would be looking at me, calling me Ronnie and screaming that Amy was locked in a closet. I think during those years I was called Ronnie more then Amy sometime.....the other thing was my mom hated jello (even though that was her thing to make), the nurses loved it when I came for my visits, because some how I could convince her she loved it and get her to eat the jello....yeah a real talent, to con my mother into something....

Lets not also forget the year that my aunt, uncle and cousins came to visit and my cousins had their birthday in March also. Went out to dinner on my birthday, she got the waitress to give her daughters special deserts and shoved my dad and I at the end of the table and we got ignored, then got home to the cake she ordered that said "Happy Birthday Laura, Wendy and Amy" and the and Amy almost didn't fit.

So yeah I am adult now...so now why, my mom passed just after high school. So then I meet my ex and hey he remembered my birthday and bought me something, this might be a good thing, so what that he gave it to me in the bag he bought.....

Well it never got any better from there, I don't remember what happened every year but I do know that is has continued...one year losing my anniversary band, SEVERAL years the ex forgetting, other things that I know happened, and the last few years, I have had flat tires, I have had things break, well last year on my birthday I got a flat and it was found I had a whole in my radiator, then at a school function for my daughter I was yelled at by another parent, who just acting more immature then the teenagers there.

Well this year, the one thing that I going on that my boss refered to .....I was sort of seeing this guy (who I have known since about 2nd grade and his entire family) and he really didn't want a relationship and I really didn't realize how much I had fallen for him until he decided we needed to end it, and when the first weekend of March. Now was my birthday horrible NO....because of the break up I was able to reconnect with his mother who I love very much and is like a mother to me, and she took me to lunch and for a facial, it was a wonderful day. But my head was not at work for weeks, and I made many stupid little mistakes, oh well that is all over with and my mind is back, of course it is because it is April!!