When I was about 21 years old a friend of mine fixed me up with this guy, Dave. I liked him, he was nice, we dated, found out he was a liar about certain things, like he had a trust fund, but didn't, things like that. Broke up got back together. Well my dad was now a widower and he was dating this woman who wanted no kids around, I was still living at home, now at this point I am going to school part time and working full time, not sure how that came about, but I think that was at the encouragement of my dad because he was retiring and couldn't pay all my schooling and expenses anymore even though it was community college at this point....career and school choices that is a whole completely different story. Well the woman my dad was dating Melba (my friends and I would call her Melba toast, or Melba Melba because she was so fat you had to say it twice...) she hated me being there....all of a sudden I would find in the morning the news paper open to the want adds with apartments circled in them....well I decided to take the hint and move in with my boyfriend. After about a year he wasn't happy...he missed his mommy....so he moved back home and i was stranded, moved back in with dad for a week while I found a room to rent.
So I found a room to rent and moved in....not the best roommate and just dealt with it the best I could. Was still dating Dave, but was living my life, by this time I was just working full time and not going to school, this is because when I lived with Dave previously he had whined so much about me being gone at night to school I dropped out....yeah not the smartest move.
So I went on vacation to visit my brothers on the east coast, I had a blast, except for the fact that Dave called constantly (this was before cell phones) and he was driving me and my brothers nuts. At one point during the trip I had actually thought about quitting my job and moving there to live, I was so close, I had several of my brothers friends even say they would help me find a job.Well I went back to CA anyway, my dad and Dave picked me up at the airport, got home and Dave decided we needed to go shopping, I was tired but didn't want to fight, well he was shopping for an engagement ring for me...he never really asked, just took me shopping, so I guess I never really had the chance to say no. Why did I go through with it, not that I loved him, its that I was afraid I would be alone for the rest of my life.
See guys never really asked me out much or looked my way much, I can count the number of times on one hand, the middle school boyfriend, the friend who asked me out in hs that he was such a good friend that is all I ever thought of him as, the guy whose mother gave me rides home from school, who was nice, but not my type and I had a crush on someone else, and the guy who I made out with in HS my freshman year that he was just using me, that when I saw him years later and had grown up, lost a few lbs (maybe 12) he wanted to date me all of a sudden. Otherwise, there were guys I liked but they had NO clue or didn't like me at all.....
So I married him, and he had such huge dreams, yeah dreams. For the most part I got along with his family, except his mother never liked me....not because I stole her baby boy....because I was smarter then her, really that is why. So I married him in 1988 and left him in 2003. Yes almost 16 years of him, this man that couldn't keep a job - I think at one point he had a record 5 in one year, he never graduated and couldn't read or write. Yet all the time all I ever heard was he was going to have his own business some day. When we first got married it was he was going to buy some land and build a house, gave up on that one early. I supported us for 95% of the marriage. My life being married well, hated by my mother in law, being told I didn't know what I was doing half the time, taking care of all his ailments, there were many, and being blamed by my mother in law for them (did you know I can cause appendicitis), paying for the medical problems because of the changing of the jobs he did not have ins many times, working two jobs just to keep things going many times, including only 8 months after my daughter was born, and I never thought of the future, I was too busy worring about the present. Did he ever work a second job, well if you ask him he will say yes, ask me, for 30 seconds, he delivered pizza's for 2 weeks and it was too much to handle. He had many problems with depression, he got medicated and had problems with that, he tried to kill himself a few times, and once even told me it was because he was in love with my best friend who had died and he couldn't live without her.
I was done, I was done with the stress, the jobs, covering for him. He was working as a custodian at my daughters school and had flaked out and not shown up for work and this was just a month after he was too sick to come to the school and pass out a fund raiser during the day he was in charge of, so I did it, during my lunch hour in my heals - thank god for the kids that helped - running up and down the halls of the school making sure i was back to work in time....I was DONE! I had just started a new job, also at the school district and I was already embarased by people knowing he had flaked out on showing up to work. So I gave him ONE more chance, his best friend was retiring and I told him I was leaving for the surprise party at 4 and he needed to be home by then, well I went alone, and at 4:30 he called me and asked where I was, he swore I said 4:30 but he also had the invite in his hand that said 4, give me a break, he did it on purpose, he didn't like parties and didn't want to go. That night I moved out of our bedroom and into the spare room.
Within about 2 months I was in my own apartment, a little one bedroom roach place that my daughter and I moved into. He stayed in the house we rented he was convienced he could afford to stay there, that lasted 2 months, and only that long because he was friends with the landlord and did work for him on the side. The divorce well that took a while, when I announced I was leaving him my brothers were great, loaned me money to move out with told me what ever I needed and offered to help pay for a lawyer. Well I went and saw a lawyer, told my brothers how much then told Dave that my brothers were going to pay....he panicked and said he would do what ever I asked if my brothers weren't involved....so I went to self help...300.00 that is great I can save that. Well I had that in my hands at least twice and had to spend it on other things, like tires. The other thing was I wanted to file bankruptcy before the divorce and that took time....and that one he screwed up also. Anyway, 6 years later the BK is finalized and I have the money and I file for the divorce through self help. Great, however I go in and I am told since he shows no income I would have to pay spousal support there is NO WAY IN HELL I tell him, and the lady there was great, she played with the numbers and he agreed to report his income (being paid under the table) and now I don't have to pay spousal support and he doesn't have to pay child support, and I really don't care, I just want it over and done with.
NOW I AM A FREE WOMAN! wow...so what does that get me....here....it is better I don't have to deal with his shit, do I want to find someone yeah, but will I settle NO WAY! Do I care if I grow old alone...a little but not enough to end up with someone like him again!!
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