Five month ago….
Five months ago today my life changed.
Five months ago was March 27, 2011
Five months ago today seems like yesterday but also at the same time feelings like a lifetime ago….
Five months ago today I made the phone call to say please take dad off the machine…and NO we do not want any other options we do not want to put him on a trech, and I wanted to yell stop making me feel guilty….
Five months ago today I was supposed to be at a birthday party instead of spending the day on the phone with nurses, hospice, family and lastly with dad saying goodbye….
I don’t cry as much or as easily and I don’t know if it’s the Prozac or the numbness or the amount of time….
I am amazed at the people that think the minute the first month after someone passes is done you should be over it…really you never get over it. My mother passed over 27 years ago and I am not over it.
Five months ago today I became an orphan….wow…an orphan at 46.
Yes he was 86…lived a long life, but I only got 46 years of it with him. Dad was 40ish when I was born (duh)…and my parents were an average of 10-20 years older then most of my friend’s parents.
I have things in my house now that were my dads that I had joked with him over the years when he passed I would get….at first when I started moving these things in I thought they would upset me, but they make me feel better for the most part.
It has taken me five months, five months to not feel as guilty for not being next to dad instead of on the phone with him. I have to appreciate that I got that last weekend with him, that I got to see him and talk to him as he passed…I am getting there…slowly
I spent today doing nothing….just sitting around and feeling numb…
Five months ago today my life changed…
